This was a guest submission from Mellany Mingtingler. Thank you Mellany for sending in this breaking news. If you have a breaking new story you would like to have published (it has to be good and will be ruthlessly edited…
This year’s SBP candidates were announced today via email from the current student body president, Brock Butterball. The candidates took it upon themselves to hold a press conference in the City Room to get the race off to a good…
Jake Touchbottom was surprised to find a new restaurant open in the fishbowl on Wednesday. But when he moved in close enough to look at the menu, he was accosted from behind. “VACCINE CARD PLEASE,” Brent Buterbaugh yelled through a…
As the three candidates gave their final campaign speeches on Monday afternoon, many in the audience felt sexual tension radiating from some of the candidates at the front of the room. Victoria Fisher’s speech was off to a rousing start…
Candidate Brent Buterbaugh was once a notorious Chamberlain in the House of Lewis. Now he hopes his previous beat will see him in a new, cooler light. Mr. Buterbaugh has gone out of his way to recruit these drinkers to…
Many unsuspecting bystanders expressed confusion and surprise at hearing a crowd of Catherine Blanco’s supporters shouting “Yo Quiero Blanco” over and over again. The slogan is intended to be a show of support using Catherine Blanco’s last name. The word…
As the candidates gave their final speeches, the Student Development team prepared to send out a Google form ballot to the student body, according to people familiar with the matter. In an apparent error, the team sent out an email…
Blake Ashley was among the candidates for the 2021-22 Student Body President announced via an email from Student Services. Mr. Ashley is known for his two other, unsuccessful attempts at the highest job available to students at The King’s College.…
