Blake Ashley Officially Makes 3rd Run For SBP

Blake Ashley was among the candidates for the 2021-22 Student Body President announced via an email from Student Services. Mr. Ashley is known for his two other, unsuccessful attempts at the highest job available to students at The King’s College. His campaign has also not addressed that the fact that he is apparently set to graduate in May.

After the announcement came Friday at lunchtime, hundreds of students immediately received a notification that the @blake4spb Instagram page had attempted to follow them. The Instagram bio was completed by the now-standard “linktree” that allows Mr. Ashley’s adoring fans to access all of his content in seconds. In an unprecedented and creative move, Mr. Ashley chose to release a flashy video that simply summarizes his platform, one of many to come a spokesperson for the campaign said.

Honestly, he’s only a 6 1/2 but if he were a few inches taller I’d give him another point

A Concerned Voter

“Honestly, he’s only a 6 1/2 but if he were a few inches taller I’d give him another point,” said one concerned voter. Another was concerned that the time he took to prepare his hair might get in the way of his duties as president, “sure, sure, he’d be a great president when he was actually there, but I can’t trust a man who spends over an hour on his hair every day.”

This is a developing story, check back soon for more.

Correction: It is actually Mr. Brent Buterbaugh who is running for the office, not Mr. Ashley. Though we are working to correct this error, it is likely due to the fact that they are clones of each other.