Category Opinion and Culture
The Imperial Tribunal Releases Statement On Rumored Association With Dr. Thornbury
The Imperial Tribunal released the following statement Friday afternoon: “Though we are inclusive of all opinions and lifestyles, no matter how wacky, Dr. Thornbury was not nor never has been associated with The Imperial Tribunal. Stop asking about it.” This…
Dr. Thornbury Moving From Faculty Advisor To Chancellor
After some time serving as Faculty Advisor to The Imperial Tribunal, Dr. Thornbury will become the Chancellor of the paper and will no longer have any actual responsibility. His rapid physical deterioration had nothing to do with the decision. He…
Dr. Gregory Alan Thornbury Named Faculty Advisor To The Imperial Tribunal
The Imperial Tribunal is pleased to announce that Dr. Gregory Alan Thornbury will be serving as its faculty advisor from now until the end of time. Nothing foreseeable could change this relationship, and we look forward to all the great…
Young Men Decry “NannyGap” That Pays Women Far More Than Men At King’s
While men may still have a pay advantage in the postgraduate world, new data indicates that women have a massive leg up while still in school due to an industry largely off-limits to men: childcare. Young men are often forced…
King’s Boy Asks Girl On Date From Exchange Place Manhole
Jethro Dubblebubble, a freshman from the House of Lewis, found himself in the spotlight Monday after he asked his crush out from underneath a manhole cover on Exchange Place. Jessica Mit, a fellow freshman from Barton, had the pleasure of…
Opinion: Until The EST Agrees To Publish Articles In Braille, They’re Disgusting
Opinion: Dear Dr. Campbell, Thank You
We too, if we are being honest, kind of like “cancel culture.” We remember when authority figures in our time would get away with unspeakable injustices, yet no one (besides us) would speak against them. Thankfully, today’s authority figures must…
Calvinist King’s Student Replaces Human Fiance With Mannequin Who Chants “I Love You” On Command
Mary-Louis Jenkins, a junior English major from rural Pennsylvania, was worried that she would never find a husband and would die an old maid. Her fiance was confused by this, however, and was distraught to find a mannequin in her…
Student Tolerance Delegate Claims To Hate Dr. Mueller, “Tolerance Only Applies To People Like Me”
In the week following Dr. Paul Mueller’s stand against the mask protocols at The King’s College, many students have taken to the place of free discourse at the school, Twitter, to complain viciously about the man. One student leading the…