While men may still have a pay advantage in the postgraduate world, new data indicates that women have a massive leg up while still in school due to an industry largely off-limits to men: childcare. Young men are often forced to take jobs generally considered undesirable like construction or the military in order to stave off starvation, but the women of The King’s College are automatically enrolled in a matriarchal system in which nannying jobs are passed from one female student to another, leaving the men of the college out to dry.

Though most women on campus consider themselves to be feminists, they will shamelessly sell their ideals for the cold hard cash that comes from caring for small children. One student and self-proclaimed feminist, Karis Alabaster, said that it was empowering to return to childcare for money: “Men have always tried to control us. They told us we had to care for children. They told us we had to have sex with them. Now I charge money for both and I could not feel more empowered.” Karis and other feminists on campus have adopted the slogan, “Feminist by day, nanny by night.”

Jessica McDermit, an alumna of the House of SBA, has a current member of her house caring for her two sons. “All men are pedophiles, including my sons. That’s why I am trying to delay the inevitable as long as possible by having them be cared for by a powerful young lady who has passed up on other career opportunities to care for children.”

A new study released this week by the non-biased Empire State Tribune found that women make an average of $50 an hour while men only make only about $12 an hour ($3 less than the legal minimum wage) on average or $.24 for every dollar made by women at King’s. Women who participated in the study often complained that their “family” or clients did not pay for an Uber to their home and back, forcing the young nannies to take public transportation. Others were frustrated when the family did not provide meals or a satisfactory Christmas bonus. However, worst of all, according to the women in the study, was dealing with children who misbehaved.

The men of the college could not seem to care less and went about their daily lives without incident. Joshua Dergen, a junior in the House of Reagan, said, “It’s clear that the market values the labor of women more than men in that area and that’s fine. I like to focus on improving my own life and those of my immediate community rather than shaking my fist at societal trends I have no power over.”