King’s Boy Asks Girl On Date From Exchange Place Manhole

Jethro Dubblebubble, a freshman from the House of Lewis, found himself in the spotlight Monday after he asked his crush out from underneath a manhole cover on Exchange Place. Jessica Mit, a fellow freshman from Barton, had the pleasure of accepting his request to go to coffee at an undisclosed future time. “I thought it was really sweet. He took the time to wait for me to leave the school and pop out just as I was walking home, in the dark, alone. Some might call it a creepy ambush, but I call it true romance. My dad always promised me that my dream man would fall from the sky. It’s a little ironic that he came from the sewer.”

Jessica Mit

David Timberwakenaker (no relation to the author) is the president of the Home Schooled Students and Professor Advocacy Group or HSSPAG. He released a statement praising the bravery of the homeschooled student: “it would have been easy for Jethro to stalk Jessica on Instagram, send her creepy texts early in the morning, try and get her used coffee cups to smell her lipstick, or ask her friends for a lock of her hair, so we’re very proud of David for doing the manly thing and surprising her in a dark alley.”

The Dubblebubble farm in Ohio.

Though the date has not yet taken place, Jessica is very busy all of a sudden. Jethro is already planning their future together. “I know there’s a small chance we end up married, but I’ve decided to operate as if it’s a divine guarantee. I hope she likes farming.”