Student Development Entices Students To Sell Out Friends For A Free Cheeseburger

The Dean of Students, David Leedy, sent out a survey Tuesday morning asking for “anonymous” responses about honor infractions and student’s opinions about the honor code in general. Student Development oversees the honor system at The King’s College and routinely seeks creative methods to get students to rat on one another.

Dean Leedy sent his email asking for students to give their “feedback” on the honor system, but there were extremely detailed questions that appeared out of place on a survey of that supposedly limited scope. One question allowed students to submit video/photo evidence, promising $100 to any student that gave information leading to an arrest or Honor Council referral.

The Tribunal was able to reach Dean Leedy who has been reportedly working from his 3rd home in the Hamptons since June, and he gave the following statement via email: “We believe the Honor Code to be central to any student’s faith. It builds character, giving each and every student the opportunity to build up valuable good works. We thought about not making the survey ‘anonymous’ because we know how valuable virtue signalling is for our student body. We hope that our students will follow Jesus’ example and rat on each other in private so they get their full reward in heaven or wherever they end up.”

A particular “Judas” platter being prepared for the most prolific rats.

Nicolas Swedick oversees the TKC Honor Council and gave the following comment in regard to the survey: “I didn’t have anything to do with that survey. Old man Leedy basically does what he wants these days. Nana got the same way after the dementia set in. But I am very happy this survey went out. Since COVID I have had crippling imposter syndrome because there is literally nothing to do around here, even less than before the pandemic. Anything that gives this meat grinder of an honor system something to chew up is music to my ears right now. We are really bored. Please give us something to do.” He concluded his comments with tears in eyes.

SBA currently leads the school with 37 rats as of Wednesday afternoon, and Reagan is dead last with 0 cowards.