New Tribunal Leadership After Entire Tribunal Staff Flunks Out
The Imperial Tribunal is under new leadership after the entire editorial team failed out of The King’s College, the paper announced Thursday afternoon. While the editors were not known for their academic performance to begin with, they had hoped to gain the favor of professors by making fun of their students, according to people familiar with the matter. The previous staff underestimated the TKC faculty’s desperate need to fail anyone they can, however, and, as a result, they now attend Pace University.
This tragic news comes after professors refused to accept award-wanting journalism in place of their assignments. Dr. Brand, who would not confirm whether or not he had any of the editors of the paper in his class, found it difficult to understand how the group could produce over 12,000 words in a semester for what he called a “stupid liberal diversion.” Other professors shared Dr. Brand’s confusion with the groups simultaneous proliferation of writing and complete absence of any work in their classes, though these professors wished to remain unnamed to keep their faces off the front page.
While the group were clearly lackluster students, they managed to post 41 articles and opinion pieces in a single semester, all of which actually pertained to The King’s College. Other student papers are renowned for their culture pieces that concern topics dear to the student body which they serve, such as K-pop, witchcraft, and whiny op-eds.
The old editors are gone and not missed by the new staff, according to the new editor-in-chief Alexa Winteros, “They were a bunch of jacka*** and I am glad they are gone. Now we can get to work on what the people actually want: details about the latest social media trends and the best brunch spots in the city.”