TKC Business Department To Offer Course On Applying For Welfare, Better Preparing Students For Their Future

The TKC Business Department announced Friday morning that they would begin offering a class on the intricacies of applying for welfare benefits in the United States. This move was praised by the students in the department who have already had a hard time getting their money from the government.

Ted Kerensky, a Junior Reagan in the department, said, “I had two choices, pay half for an education at UNC and be guaranteed a job or go 100k into debt just to beg my old Starbucks to take me back. Now they are telling me I can get $600 a week just for filling out paperwork! That’s the kind of thing I was looking for when my parents mortgaged my childhood home to send me here.”

A group of students learning how to wait in line for welfare.

Matt Perman, Director of Career Development at TKC, said he was pumped about the change as long as students “search” for a graduate program anytime they are unemployed for the post-grad survey, “Every year we hit that number of 99% employed or looking for a graduate degree. One thing I don’t really tell anyone is that only 8% are employed and the others answer yes to the question, ‘would you ever consider learning anything ever again in your life?’ So as long as people continue to love learning, I am all on board!”

The class will be offered in the Spring semester but will cost students an additional $600 a week in fees. It will be taught by an undecided but “qualified” adjunct professor.