Tillary Cockerham, a senior RTS major, made waves on campus Wednesday by demanding a man she met a half-hour before on the “dating” app Tinder put on his mask before they became intimate. “A condom is a choice; a mask is not,” she said in response to her decision. When her newly discovered partner raised a question about the effectiveness of a mask during intercourse, she threw him out of her apartment. “I cannot stand those who risk the wellbeing of others by spreading disease,” Ms. Cockerham added.
The Tribunal reached out to The King’s College for comment. They replied by asking if the students involved were drinking underage and that if not, they couldn’t care less.
Ms. Cockerham’s decision to make a stand against “mask violence” was well received by The King’s College student body at large. “I am sick and tired of men telling women when and how they want to be protected from sexually transmitted infections when they are sitting there breathing on us,” said Deborah Dinkledamer, a Student Tolerance Delegate (STD).
A few went as far as to argue that the unnamed partner should be prosecuted. “Can someone explain to me how this is not a case of attempted murder? He literally sat there and tried to breathe on her while they were doing it!” said one student.
Others, however, raised some questions about the principled stand. “What good is a mask going to do when they are already exposing each other to loads of other potentially more harmful infections. I’m all for wearing masks but it seems like a condom would be a good idea too,” said a student who wished to remain anonymous for the safety of everyone they held dear.
The Tribunal reached out to the New York City Department of Health for a comment on sex during the pandemic and a spokesperson pointed us to an earlier public statement on the subject. The document gave the following advice (this is 100% real):
- “You are your safest sex partner. Masturbation will not spread COVID-19, especially if you wash your hands (and any sex toys) with soap and water for at least 20 seconds before and after sex.”
- “Consider taking a break from in-person dates. Video dates, sexting, subscription-based fan platforms, sexy ‘Zoom parties’ or chat rooms may be options for you.”
- “Make it a little kinky. Be creative with sexual positions and physical barriers, like walls, that allow sexual contact while preventing close face to face contact.”