In the week following Dr. Paul Mueller’s stand against the mask protocols at The King’s College, many students have taken to the place of free discourse at the school, Twitter, to complain viciously about the man. One student leading the charge identifies themself as a “Selective Tolerance Delegate” or an STD as they like to be called. Arachna Phobica had this to say about themselves, “we live in a world where people are hurt by other people all day every day. When I was growing up in my suburban, white, 40% male private school in the mid-west, I witnessed unspeakable atrocities on the internet and I got really mad at the men in my own life because they were responsible.” From then on, they say, their life was committed to undoing a lifetime of oppression they had suffered vicariously through actual victims. 

They finally had their chance to make a difference. Last Monday, Dr. Mueller protested the mask-wearing order by refusing to wear a mask to his own class. Many students in the front row could barely hear him talk about it because he was so far away from them, so many were glad that he clarified through an email later that day. Dr. Mueller sought to calm his students down by claiming in his email that his protest was merely a peaceful statement, “I didn’t wear a mask yesterday because I felt convicted that doing so would violate my conscience. It wasn’t to make a political statement, cause a ruckus, or create conflict (I actually really hate conflict).”

Despite this approach towards a peaceful resolution, many STDs felt justified in demanding his public execution. “I am sick and tired of white male professors trying to teach me things about wisdom and morality,” said one (see her full statement below.) “It’s about time that we hurt everyone who has hurt us but twice as bad. Anyone who threatens my life in another classroom by not wearing a mask in a socially distant setting deserves to die,” said another at a party with over fifteen unmasked people nearby.

Arachna Phobica sought to set the record straight about what exactly what an STD means when they say “tolerance.” “When I say tolerance, I am trying to include as many people as I possibly can under that umbrella. It does not matter if we look differently or act differently. As long as we all think the same things and do the same things, I can be tolerant of you. If you’re white, or male, or disagree with me, I hate you and want your entire family to die painfully. I have never felt so loving and considerate in my entire life. If anyone wants to be an STD, let me know and I can give you the list of requirements for how you have to look and behave!”