A would-be tragedy struck a Governor’s Island Ferry, the “Gigantic,” Friday Morning as it traveled the 50 feet between lower Manhatten and Governor’s Island. Official manifests reviewed by the Tribunal indicate that the ferry was carrying President Gibson, Dean Leedy, Student Body President Collin Phillips, and the entire SBP cabinet who were apparently headed to scout the island for tomorrow’s “Day Away” when it struck a frozen pile of radioactive garbage (a “trashberg”). All souls have been accounted for on Governor’s Island, the Port Authority indicated in a statement.

When reaching out for comment, the Tribunal discovered that President Gibson has yet to utter a word after the accident. A crew member, Timothy Swashbucker, of the ship said of Gibson, “it was really weird. We bumped one of those piles of floating garbage in the harbor. Less than 10 seconds later, I look up to see that guy in a suit with aviators on with his feet glued to the bow, unmoving, unwavering. He wasn’t very helpful in the crisis but he sure looked cool and reassuring.”

There are disputes about what happened next, but all credit Deborah Gonçalves with saving everyone’s lives. She deflected the praise, “All I remember about the trip before we hit something is Colin and Brent doing the Titanic thing at the front of the boat. Colin was in front. After we hit the object, I expected some type of women and children first kind of thing, but the next thing I know, Deen Leedy, Colin, and Brent were in the only lifeboat rowing away. The ladies and I were able to build some rafts with supplies we found on the deck.” The raft they built was large enough to fit everyone else on board, but inexplicably, Timothy Swashbucker decided to tread water, almost drowning in the freezing harbor.

President Gibson went down with the ship, like any good captain. By the time the ferry actually went underwater, however, it was at the dock. Rescue workers were able to hoist his unmoving body off the deck and onto the shore without incident where he was still standing as of 11 AM EDT Friday morning.

Day Away is expected to go on as planned.