New App, Rola, Emerges As The Hook-Up App Of Choice For King’s Students

In years past, students had to get creative in their search for easy sexual partners. Wrists grew tired from swiping left on hundreds and hundreds of King’s men. Those days are gone, however, with the emergence of the new app “Rola” that was developed by King’s students. The app bills itself as the app that makes “social connections effortless but its primary use has been making other kinds of connections effortless, according to students who have used the app.

Jessica McDormand, a senior MCA major and “model,” says she uses the app to save time with her sexual relationships, “I am a busy woman, and I don’t have time to meet people the old fashioned way. So here comes along this ‘networking’ app that solves all my problems. Now I open the app and there are dozens of the hottest men on campus waiting to network all over me.”

Despite the app’s apparent allure to the more gullible students on campus, it is still unclear what the app actually does. According to the website, the app allows people to connect to each other’s pre-existing social media profiles after a lengthy signup process, despite students being able to send their usernames to each other via text or iMessaage in seconds.

Tyler Byers coming for your money.

When reached for comment, Tyler Byers, Rola’s founder, explained how the app works: “It is really simple. When you sign up, you get a code that you share with other people. When you get someone to sign up, they pay $5 a month and we split that with you. Now, the people you bring in do the same, and you get 25% of whatever your people bring in, etc. That way, as long as we have new signups and each new signup brings in two more users, we will be making bank. We have a special offer going on right now for anyone interested. If you invest $100 or more right now, we’ll double your money every 30 seconds, guaranteed. DM me on Rola for more info.”