Reagan President Allegedly Used House Funds To Buy GameStop Stock

The President of the House of Reagan, Chad Brockwin, is under investigation for allegedly using house funds to buy over $7,000 worth of GameStop stock, Jonathan Sheaffer said Friday afternoon via email. This comes as the stock endured a “short squeeze” this week.

Gamestop Storefront
GameStop’s share price has soared as a result of trades like Mr. Brockwin’s this week.

When reached for comment, Mr. Brockwin did not deny trading stock with house money, but he did deny that he had done anything wrong: “Look, everybody wants to complain how its wrong and illegal to trade a non-profit’s money on the stock market, but they conveniently forget the fact that I turned $7,000 into $23,000 in three days.”

While investigators originally believed the trades were conducted by Mr. Brockwin alone, insiders have revealed that the financial moves were made only after a unanimous vote by the entire House of Reagan at a secret meeting earlier this week. None of the Reagans ratted out their boys, of course, but witnesses heard an entire room on campus shaking to chants of “GameStop” and “wallstreetbets.”

The Charging Bull in Downtown Manhatten
The House of Reagan is considering making the Charging Bull it’s official spirit animal.

The student body was largely outraged by the development, but the House of Reagan was universally supportive of their leader. According to one member, Mr. Brockwin was “a legend” and the school needs to “get out of the market’s way.”

Without prompting, The Interregnum Committee announced that as a partial punishment the House of Reagan will receive 10th place in the Interregnum competition.