Dr. Talcott hosted a panel in the City Room on Thursday on the topic of what he argued was a literacy “epidemic” among women, by which he meant that there are way too many women who can read in the world today. The panel consisted of Dr. Talcott, Dr. Waterkin, a renowned expert in grocery shopping programs for women, and Mrs. Timothy Drives (her first name was never mentioned), a woman who advocates for the use of pictographs in the motherhood community. The audience appeared to be fairly representative of The King’s College student body at about 70% female.

Dr. Talcott gave some opening remarks: “After teaching at this college for a while now and seeing how my female students constantly outclass my male students, it’s about time we even the playing field. I am not saying that zero women should learn to read, but does it need to be all of them? You might say, ‘well how will they read the labels at the grocery store or in a recipe book?’ and that’s why we have Mrs. Timothy Drives here to discuss the reasons why pictographs should replace textual food labels and preparation instructions.”

In response to a question from the presumed valedictorian of the senior class, a female student, Dr. Waterkin suggested that young women be encouraged to attend grocery shopping training programs alongside their normal motherhood training to better prepare them for their futures as homemakers. He conceded that in the world’s current depraved state, women must have a basic understanding of the top 500 words and foods in the English language in order to complete their duties.