Dr. Mueller Makes Exception For Masks Made In Sweatshops

After taking a stand against mask-wearing in front of a class this week, Dr. Mueller clarified that he would allow for masks made in sweatshops because of the moral good they provide society. Dr. Mueller, who has long decried the character attacks he has faced on social media and in the beloved refuge of free speech, The Empire State Tribune, decided to address the Tribunal Editorial Board via a letter delivered by pigeon. 

The most blessed people on earth, according to Dr. Mueller.

He addressed what he called a “legitimate” critique of his anti-mask wearing protest, saying, “some of my students have reminded me about where most of these masks are made: overseas sweatshops. As my students know, these workplaces provide a massive benefit to these disadvantaged countries. Perhaps most importantly, the children producing these masks are learning the valuable lesson of hard work that comes from 20 hour days in front of a sewing machine. The reason that I decided this is a legitimate exception to my matter of conscience is because of the overall good that these sweatshops do to the world.”

Examples of a moral scourge.

Dr. Meuller has already written another op-ed defending the controversy he knows will come from this revelation, saying, “it is my responsibility to make moral stands in the most controversial way possible. When the children get angry about it, I point them towards my op-eds, but they keep crying.”

This is a developing story, The Imperial Tribunal will update this story with any developments.