Student Leader Fritz Scibbe Rolls Eyeballs Clean Out Of His Head In Disgust

In a tragic accident Monday afternoon, Fritz Scibbe, last year’s president of the House of Ronald Reagan and a respected student leader lost both his eyes in what doctors believe to be a classic case of the French condition known as “complexe de supériorité.”

The incident occurred immediately after Fritz tweeted the following about an unnamed “King’s meme/parody page:”

Witnesses say that immediately after that Tweet was dispatched, Fritz pulled the unnamed page up on his phone and proceeded to roll his eyes clean out of his head. What happened next is disputed, but in the chaos of blood, the eyes apparently went missing. Luckily, they were turned into Student Services representative, Linda Bootlicker, who was excited at her first opportunity to actually serve a student in her three-year career at the desk. She described how she knew the eye’s were Mr. Scibbes’s, “I knew almost instantly the eyes belong to Fritz. They had a sharpness to them that I knew could easily discern the right answer to any problem or moral challenge. I called Fritz up to the desk, and by that time, he had already figured out how to make use of clicking noises for echolocation. He had no problem getting around.”

As described in a statement issued by his doctor, Dr. Doofensmirtz, Mr. Fritz is expected to make a full recovery from both his blindness (within the week) and his “complexe de supériorité” (by the time he makes it out of purgatory, God willing.)

(One can only guess at the parody account he was talking about, but the editorial staff at The Imperial Tribunal stands with him all the way. We wish Mr. Scibbe a speedy recovery from his blindness and his condition.)