After backlash from the student body for what many believed to be false advertising, “Day Away” has been officially renamed, “Afternoon, Very Close By.” Yonka Jeriba, a sophomore MCA major, described her experience with what was called “Day Away,” “I…
Weeks of anticipation and political discourse came to a close today when Dean Leedy announced to the student body a new formalized “caste system.” Not only will students be pre-sorted into houses, but within the first weeks of arrival, Student…
Jeremy Bentham, a Sophomore in the House of Churchill, made history Thursday as the first unattractive man hired to work the Greenwich desk. Defenders of “unattractive rights” immediately praised the action by the school, but were dismayed to hear that…
In a poll given to the four male houses at King’s — Churchill, Bonhoeffer, Reagan, and SBA — an overwhelming majority of male students would prefer to play hopscotch to Football at the Theological-Political Problem. This survey was conducted by…
Tillary Cockerham, a senior RTS major, made waves on campus Wednesday by demanding a man she met a half-hour before on the “dating” app Tinder put on his mask before they became intimate. “A condom is a choice; a mask…
After years of political unrest and the occasional hallway skirmish, the Houses of Bonhoeffer and ten Boom have formed a political alliance by uniting their chamberlains in holy matrimony. The wedding, held at Trinity Church with both Houses, drew joyous…
A tragic choking death of a woman occurred near The King’s College campus early Wednesday morning. Witnesses described a painful scene of a mass of twenty or more King’s students gathered around the woman as she lay dying (abiding by…
The Philosophy faculty of The King’s College was conducting their weekly departmental meeting when a messenger burst in shouting, “all that you hold dear has been cut from your life. Paul Glader has published an attempted logical argument. Do not…
We too, if we are being honest, kind of like “cancel culture.” We remember when authority figures in our time would get away with unspeakable injustices, yet no one (besides us) would speak against them. Thankfully, today’s authority figures must…
